Small comfort, big desire
Escaping the mediocre life
Aside from talking about my hobbies or interests, I tend not to think about what’s happening in real life. Things that cause stress, anxiety, dissatisfaction, and other negative emotions only bring depression. I guess we all need some kind of diversion to separate our minds from that. But I realize there’s so little I can do to escape from the situation. This is how I see myself.
Most people work all day, and when we go back home, we often need a moment for ourselves. Take a hot bath, watch some TV shows, play games, scroll your phone, or do whatever you want to do. We want to make use of every bit of our precious time. These tiny things seem unimportant, but they provide a moment of solitude. A little something to look forward to before the battle begins tomorrow. We’re all hoping for the weekend to arrive sooner; to decompress. We also want to spend money on things to compensate for our hard work.
Sometimes, I couldn’t help but think, “All means nothing.” They’re merely just something that didn’t worth mentioning. And I often hopes they can spark joys. Maybe I was just wasting my time on my so-called hobbies. When I was young, I liked to buy things. Just to fill the emptiness—the “void”. They don’t bring any significant changes to my life. There’s none. I’m so tiny, like a grain of sand in the vast universe. I focused on things nobody would care about. Days go by, and tomorrow looks exactly the same. Nothing changes. I think I knew that a very long time ago.
For so many times, I have to ask myself. After all, what are my pursuits, my life’s goal? Before answering that, I want to be honest. I don’t need to persuade or impress anyone. There’s no one there to judge, just answer the question without any sugarcoating. What do I truly desire?
Freedom. I want to be free.
Free from worrying this or that. I can fall asleep easily with a smile on my face. I can settle my mind, and truly relax: watching a film, reading a book, playing a video game, or spending time with people that I care about. Enjoying the moment. I can put everything aside and feel peace. I want to stay away from all my “worries”: my job, my career, my health, how much I earn, where I live, or what others might think of me. I just want to live a humble life. And that’s more than enough.
However, no one can deny that money is always a factor.
Most people here in the city hope to buy an apartment with most of their savings. They then dedicated their whole life to paying off their mortgage. Spending all that money to secure a place to live with their families. A place so small that one could barely stretch their legs. For an average uni grad, it will take around twenty years—without eating or drinking—to be able to afford a down payment. Buying bricks from the real estate developers, paying them with all their hard-earned money. That pretty much sums up what typical Hong Kong people wish for.
Is it worth it? I’m in no position to answer that. For those who are less fortunate, like myself, we tend not to think about the subject. It’s beyond our reach. We’d rather spend our money for pleasures. Buying, eating, partying, traveling, or whatever can bring us joy. Is that happiness? I don’t know that either.
For everyday, I devote time to my hobbies. To avoid—refuse to think about my life. Just by “wanting” everything becomes better. Apparently, it won’t. If life is a game, it just so happens I’m from the working class with some hard settings applied—but not the most difficult. I considered myself lucky enough to still have the time on blogging. For some, they have to work 12 hours a day—some even more—and the transportation takes around two hours. There’s so much stress, and so little time. This is the reality for a lot of people. Well, I can tell you that I know how it feels.
But, yeah, of course, you don’t give a damn. Never mind. I just felt the urge to say it out loud on my blog. That’s it. I promise I will try not to spread negative energy. Write something interesting instead.
If you think you’re having a hard time in life, don’t be discouraged. Still, there’re always little things that worth fighting for. Hope is useless; faith is what you need. Hang on, the best is yet to come.
- First, who pays for your tuition fee? There’s a student loan when you get into university. But you’ll be in debt before you start working. Say you want to rent an apartment with some friends after you graduate. You also wish to switch phones when the new iPhone comes out, upgrade your macbook, buy some nice clothes, and, of course, invest in some fancy hobbies, like a brand new mirrorless camera. Don’t forget traveling every year to experience life, and hang out with friends. So, do the math. If you’re on your own, how long will it take for a uni grad to be able to afford a down payment? Generally speaking, even without spending a single penny when you start to work, it will take a very long time. ↩︎